Very Sour Grapes

I am certain it is a conspiracy. I didn't win. I should have won the award; many people thought I should have won it. I only wore it because I was certain that I would win it. But I did not. She did. Hers, which paled in comparison to mine swiped the award.

Adding salt to my wounds, she offered me her award because she felt that I deserved it.

You tell me, how I should feel.

Cold... Oh so Cold

I just want to shout out:

And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when

If only you knew what the number one ass did to me today. I'm so infuriated with him I want to push him down the stairs. Maybe tomorrow. Tonight, I rest.

Good Feeling; I Need You Just A Little Longer

What surprises me the most is that you call me one of your good friends, your sister even and yet you don't tell me anything. You choose to tell her. I'm not full of myself but you'd rather her advice over mine? She's made some pretty bad decisions, most of which you are aware of and yet you go to her for advice.

I understood when she came to you and confessed all. I already had guessed what she had done, so when she did tell me, I wasn't the least bit surprised. What bums me is that you went to her FIRST and sought for her FIRST. You tell me how she's immature and although I am younger, I am far more sound than she is. Yet, you tell her all this personal shit that's happening to you and I still am not aware of what they are. What really irks me is how she is all, "I have to tell you about this and that before she returns. I don't want you saying something that might upset her."

WTF. WHAT THE FUCK! So this personal shit is something that you can discuss with her and she somehow has the authority and the gall (if I might add) to dish out this vital piece of information. Bitch, please. Get off your high horse. You must feel SO empowered that she's confided in you. Yes, I AM ANGRY. Loyalty is a huge deal to me and right now I feel like my 2 closest girlfriends have left me stranded. They are both opening up to one another and I am no longer part of this. Their excuse? I always seem so busy and they don't want to disturb me.

Bullshit. I just want to scream at the both of them. They're both older than me and yet they're so immature. One thinks she's wiser than everyone else and dishes out advice on love and relationship when her own is falling apart. Wait. My mistake. It's the both of them. They're constantly judging the guys I go out with and are always interested to know every detail of my dating life and yet they let their own relationship go awry. There's a word... right on the tip of my tongue... what is it... IRONY.

It's heart-wrenching, really. Part of me feels for me - I feel unloved and not needed and the other part of me feels for the other 2. The older, wiser one seems like she's living vicariously through the younger person's life and relishes in the drama in her life. When told of the supposed scandal, she did not advice nor scold (which I did) but in fact supported her and brainwashed her into thinking that it's in fact not her fault. She's the victim in the story. Trust me on this, she let it happen to herself. Classic textbook scenario of getting what she needs from someone else who was willing to provide for what she needed. Even if it was momentary. And the younger of the two, well she prides in being the listening ear and sympathising friend. In fact, she is just inquisitive. She loves listening to people's stories, without adding any useful input of her own. Even her comments and responses are quite child-like (not childish) and she passes them off as advice.

I am just bruised and I am hurting. A lot. I love them still; it's just that I guess I must detach myself from them to avoid getting hurt again.

Birthday Blues

It's not even August yet and I have come up with 3 reasons why my birthday this year will suck.

1. it is during the fasting month
2. he won't be celebrating it with me
3. my birthday always sucks... it sucked since JC2 and has not stopped sucking since then

I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm just stating facts.

Fujifilm Cheki Instax Mini 7S White

I've a new toy! It's so easy to use and not to mention so fun as well! I might just be trigger happy :)

Mummy was sporting enough to pose for my first ever polaroid shot.

To give you a perspective on Athena's size. She's just 7 months but look at her!!

Of course Athena-baby will be my main subject ;)

I love how old school it looks.

Yea. That's her on the fridge. Don't ask me why or how. I still don't know.

Doctor's Orders

I went to the doctor today and she gave me 2 days mc because I am sleep deprived. She literally told me to sleep during this long weekend. Sleep! Don't think about work, just sleep.

R-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-P!!!

Getting over someone is never easy. Some say it takes half the time you're together with that someone to get over him / her. So if you were together for 6 months, you should be over the person in 3. Others say take your time and time will eventually heal all wounds. A few will tell you the best remedy is to get involved with someone else and there are the rare handful that will tell you to burn the MF's possessions. It all depends on you, really. What you feel comfortable with and how long you can endure pain. Personally, I have a low tolerance for pain and to have to endure a break up for a lengthy period of time is unfathomable to me. My personal remedy is to rip that bandaid off (bandaid being a metaphor for said person in said past relationship and the ripping refers to no contact with said person, deleting all text messages, throwing away all notes / letters, disposing of all gifts, pictures etc) in one quick motion. Force him / her out of your life. When you feel like your thoughts are starting to drift towards the past, stop and find something to distract yourself with. Yea the pain is excruciating but it is only momentary. Once it is out of your system, the burden is lifted and you can move on. True story.

Why I Need to Nap ASAP

I read through all my posts and tagged them appropriately and I feel so much better now. I may be partially autistic on top of having mild ADHD. You know, I've never heard of any of those terms until I started teaching... must be something in the water. Kids were normal back then and we always attributed bad behaviour to well, just bad behaviour!

Yesterday's outing got me thinking that Them Boys treat me like a brand new toy that everyone wants a piece of. It's neither a compliment nor an insult but it helps me to explain why they do the things that they do. I love them so much, nonetheless.

Of Athena, Weddings and Nothing Else

It was both an emotionally and physically exhausting day for me today.

I took Athena to the vet to ger her snipped. I do not think it is cruel. She is excessively violent and once she's gone through the snip snip, I hope that will calm her down. I don't want her impregnating herself nor do I want her scratching me or anyone else for that matter. I have seen violent cats, but Athena is extremely violent. She's possibly wired that way, I guess. She was frisky as my brother and I were transferring her to the cage but when the dogs started barking, she was as meek as a lamb. So we figured that the only way to calm her down was to get a dog or a barking device of some sort. *snorts*

So took her down to the vets in the morning and came home to take a quick shower and grab a bite before heading down to Tanjong Pagar to try on my bridesmaid gown. I love the dress!! It's a velvet halter and it fits me like a glove. I do have to wear higher heels but dang it was a HOT dress *smirk*

I hurried home so my brother could drive me to the vet to pick Athena up. I teared when I saw how frail, tired and scared she looked. I was in complete remorse but the procedure is for her own good. She was pissed at me, biting me when I took her out from her carrier. But what got to me was when I saw her hobbling around the house. Her left hind leg seems to be weaker then the right and she had to drag herself. Occasionally, she tripped over her own leg and crashed onto the floor. I rushed to pick her up but she got into her defensive stance and started hissing at me. Boy, was she pissed.

There was nothing I could do. She didn't seem to like my presence at all. She seemed more threatened by it than comforted. So I left her and met my aunts and my mum at Little India. My cousin's getting married next month and we have all decided to don saris. Laugh, go on, laugh. Within minutes, I bought mine. Apparently there was this gorgeous piece of material that all of them were eyeing and when I arrived at the shop, they got me to try it on. I obliged of course and once again gained stares from the public as the shop assistant wrapped the material around me and got me to parade around in the sari. That aside, it is a beautiful piece. Me like-y!

Had dinner before heading home to check on Athena. She was still groggy and was dragging her hind leg when she moved about. I could tell she was hungry and in pain from the surgery. But I was instructed not to feed her till after ten. When I checked on her, she was on all fours, dozing off. I guess she couldn't lie down because of the pain and she was still groggy from the meds. It was a pityful sight. She awoke startled, looked at me then jumped off the chair. She tripped and almost fell on her face. I was filled with remorse again. Then, she rubbed herself against me. She forgives me!! It was 9pm already and I couldn't bear it anymore, so I fed her, one hour ahead of the recommended time prescribed by the vet. I hope she feels better tomorrow. Have to travel across the border tomorrow, so I won't be able to manja her.

Pretty dull post but I do want to chronicle Athena's life.

Is It Just Me or Do They Seem Bigger?

Today was one of those outings where jokes were told and people laughed. Ok, that is a total understatement of the awesome-ness that is today; of innuendoes, double entendre, puns and blatantly obvious so-lame-but-I-still-can't-help-but-laugh-at-them jokes / stories. I laughed so much (and hard) I could have peed in my pants. True story.

My favourite bit would have to be... *drum rolls* when Syabil mentioned something about Aqil pms-ing and he went on to say that he should remove his uterus.

Sidenote: If you have no uterus, you have no say in this. But when it comes to that time of the month and I get those cramps, I just want to squat by the side of the road and rip out my bloody uterus.

Back to the story. Unfortunately, being a dude, Syabil apparently has no clue where a uterus should be so he mimed the ripping of the uterus somewhere near his heart. I immediately burst out laughing. It could be a job hazard but the teacher in me had to correct him so I showed him where he should have positioned his hand if he wants to rip out his uterus. The dude completely lost it! He literally had to back away from us and laughed hysterically a few feet away from us.

But it doesn't stop there. I was on a roll today, you see. I proclaimed very calmly, "Just because your heart bleeds from there, it doesn't mean that everything that bleeds has to be positioned there." All 3 of us lost it! We were creating quite a scene at the bus stop! There were stares BUT get this, some of them were surpressing giggles!!

I guess one could say that that was our good deed for the day. I mean we did put smiles on people's faces.

I Fall In Love Way Too Quickly

Have recently gone on a Cheap Trick weekend-er (you know allnight-er... so weekend-er). I can't seem to find their albums so I had to resort to YouTube but what can I say, I've fallen in love with the band again. They were my guilty pleasure like 2-3 years back. Whenever I had the blues, I'd pop in one of their albums and just lose myself in their lyrics, melodies and wicked solos.

I've been playing Voices on repeat. It just makes me want to jump onto the table, grab the remote control and croon along... no, screech along! I deny all accusations of doing any of that!!

Check out these songs:

• Dream Police
• Surrender
• I Want You To Want Me
• Flame

I must MUST buy their albums.