Practice What You Preach

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. I tell everyone that and yet I allow it to happen to myself. When I first read the news, I admit I was disappointed and near the brink of being devastated. But I let the feeling go; burying it with Season 1 of How I Met Your Mother and a number of chicken wings and a bottle of Pepsi. I had let it go. But one phone call was all it needed to resurface the frustration and disappointment.

Yes, valid point. If they appreciated me, they would have dangled that notion or even given that carrot to me. I've done my share and I've been doing pretty darn well but here I am, still waiting for my carrot while everyone else has their firsts and some even seconds.

But no I am not jealous nor angry. What I feel has nothing to do with you. I am happy for you but what they did not do for me, has made me even more jaded than before.

Fuck the system; I'm getting out of there.

This calls for a new theme song.

Incubus - Drive

Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear

And I cant help but ask myself how much

I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer

It's driven me before, it seems to have a vague

Haunting mass appeal

Lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive

Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive, oh oh

It's driven me before, it seems to be the way

That everyone else get around

Lately, I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there

Would you choose water over wine

Hold the wheel and drive

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there

I may have just found the happiness I've been looking for. Well, I am happy, that's no lie, but I don't want to jinx it.

This song sums it up. My search may have ended. Though I can't be so certain so soon. But I'm willing to go where it leads me to. I have never been so vague in my entire life! Hahahaha... enjoy :)

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style, some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
wherever you're going,
I'm going your way.
Two drifters, off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world, to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end.
Waiting 'round the bend,
My huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me

The Universe is Playing Tricks on Me

Sex and the City said it first that the only way to get a date was to have a date. Or something along those lines. Sarah Jessica Parker's (I just love saying her name) character was moping that she was single and wanted to go out on a date. Then, just like that she was asked out not once, but twice by 2 different men. So from zero to two! Yea, she is fabulous that way...

My point to this entry? Not long ago a guy I once dated, contacted me after months of silence. I found out that he had just broken up with his girlfriend and he was looking around for someone else. I have reliable sources, mind you. But I shot him down, mainly because I had my eyes on someone else and I didn't want to screw that up and also because I AM NOT HIS BACK UP!! Plus, he asked me out over sms. So un-classy.

Just today, an old fling (3 years ago) im-ed me and asked me out yada-yada. I'm not saying things are exclusive or even serious with this one but still, I am not taking chances to screw this up. So I declined his proposal over MSN. Also so un-classy.

But seriously, where were the 2 of you when I was genuinely bored and was very much single?! Why pop up now?! Really REALLY bad timing.

*shakes fist at sky for dramatic effect* -> I've been saying that a lot recently.

Athena is getting bigger... and heavier and tougher... I took her to the vet to get her shots and the vet thought she was a year old. He told me I was mistaken. I was like dude, she could barely fit into my palm when I found her?! It is true, she has grown a lot since then. I love Athena. The moment I get home, I call out to her and she comes running up to the door. I grab her and cradle her in my arms, scratch / pat her and she will lick my fingers. Then she gets bored, bites me and I set her free. Hahaha... tough love, I guess. That's the highlight of my day. Seriously.

Gah. My gums are hurting so much. Could be gingivitis. Who knows? Maybe it's time I took out my wisdom tooth. Now that will keep me entertained for a week or two. This is the worst feeling ever; I'm like so bummed out and all I want to do is laze around. I can't speak coz it hurts to open my mouth. Major sigh-ness.

But of course, I will entertain you with pictures. Here's the Facebook link... click.

Note to self: Not wearing waterproof mascara can cause one to look like a member from KISS.

Another note to self: That is NEVER a good thing.

I didn't even know that my brother was contemplating leaving the country to work in a university overseas. I told him that that wasn't and shouldn't even be an option. I know I'm being selfish but having one brother move away was very hard on me and now hearing another wanting to migrate... it's tearing me apart.

I feel so alone... and unloved.

Too Spot On For My Liking, Mates

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Click.